How we right wingers celebrate New Years Eve.

 By Donna Cole

 Tonight, my husband and I will leave our opulent estate, in our armor plated limousine, to attend the vast right wing conspiracy's New Years Eve Ball, hosted by the wicked Koch brothers in their obscenely extravagant mansion built on a foundation of cash somehow stolen from the nation's poor.

 The oil industry is catering the whole soiree. There will be a fondue fountain of light sweet crude for us to dip cherries in picked by Latin American slave labor. We will lather our palettes with caviar ripped from the bellies of endangered Russian sturgeon as a mere appetizer.

 Then, we shall feast upon raw prime rib that came from baby Kobe calves, abused in Texas especially for us, with gold, blood diamond encrusted, flatware on china made from the bone dust of Chinese dissidents.

 At the stroke of midnight, our indentured illegal alien servants will pop the corks on magnums of 200 year old Dom Perignon, of course in a wasteful fashion, allowing most of the pricey bubbly to spill on high priced Persian rugs. We will guffaw at their ignorant foolishness. Then, we shall raise our lead crystal glasses high and toast to another year of being disgustingly rich. My husband will offer his toast to those fat cats who really Occupy Wall Street.

 In fact, we are so rich due to not paying our fair share of taxes, we will symbolically pay taxes by burning a huge pile of $1000 dollar bills specifically printed by the U.S. Mint just for this occasion. We do pay lobbyists and their whores for a reason.

 Then, when it is my turn to make a toast, I will drunkenly raise my glass to all the nation's poor, because without their poverty that somehow magically makes us rich, we wouldn't be stinking rich. So, thank you poor folks, without your lack of effort we wouldn't be here tonight.